Words of Remembrance

Guidelines for Preparing Words of Remembrance
Thank you for accepting the responsibility of speaking words of remembrance on behalf of the family and friends of the deceased. Here are some points to guide you in the preparation of what you will say. 
 
1. You have been asked to offer words of remembrance, not a eulogy. A eulogy tends to tell the story of the person’s whole life and accomplishments, and can become lengthy. Words of remembrance provide briefly some insight into the faith and Christian values of the deceased as seen in one or two representative examples from his or her life. The words of remembrance, then, become words of encouragement and comfort to those present.

2. Since they occur within the Church’s worship of God and of prayer for the deceased and those who mourn his or her loss, the words of remembrance should be no more than 3-4 minutes (a single typewritten page). Keeping your remarks brief and to the point recognizes not only the integrity of the liturgy, but also the fact that people have made a sacrifice to be present. Brevity is the kindest and most appreciated consideration you can give them.

3. There may be some in the congregation who did not know the deceased, but have come in support of the family. Therefore, “Inside” stories about the deceased may not be understood. Save such remembrances for the more personal moments with the family, especially during the painful days and weeks after the funeral. The time for the words of remembrance is not a time for lengthy storytelling. Your comments should show respect and sensitivity for the deceased and those who are present to pray.

4. Before you begin to compose the words of remembrance, seek help from God by starting in prayer, that you will be enabled to speak in a way worthy of the occasion. Ask for suggestions from friends and family.

5. Write out your remarks. Writing out the complete text will insure that you stay within the time limitation. The pastor or a member of the parish staff may be available to preview your remarks and make helpful suggestions. Rely on their judgment and experience.

6. Rehearse your words of remembrance before a friend or family member. If there are deep emotions that need to be dealt with, rehearsal is the time to express them. While public display of emotion is understandable and sometimes laudable, copious tears and uncontrollable sobbing before the congregation will not be beneficial. The use of a written text is helpful.

7. Before the funeral liturgy begins, ask the pastor or member of the parish staff to show you exactly where you are to speak. Familiarize yourself with the location and, if possible, listen to yourself say a few words into the microphone.

8. The pastor will introduce you at the proper time, so that you will know exactly when you are to come forward. Approach the podium or lectern with great confidence. To begin with expressions like “I’m not used to this sort of thing,” or “I hope I can get through this,” defeats you before you ever begin.

Thank you again for accepting this responsibility. Please don't hesitate to contact the Parish Office with any questions or concerns.